all of this may not always apply... but... i thought it was funny... when i made it up.
gggiiirrrlllllll,
don't date him if...
1. if... he smells like freshly sprayed axe... who knows what he's trying to cover up.
2. if... all he does is text you... he's probably calling someone else
3. if... and when he does text you, he doesn't use punctuation. if he can't put in the effort to differentiate between sentences... he probably won't put in much effort trying to please you...
...ooorrrr, you're too smart for him.
4. if... you're too smart for him... ain't nan' body worth you having to dumb down your sentences so they can understand your plain english ... [and yes, i said nan']
5. if... he can't understand your plain english... again, you're too smart for them
...ooorrrrr, there's a language barrier... and umm, it's hard enough to communicate to your 'boo thang' in plain english... so i'm not too sure it's a great idea to try to communicate in another one
6. if... he's cockeyed.. a]. yes i may be shallow... but more, importantly... b.] i don't think arguments will end too nicely if they begin with... "why you looking at that lady's @$$" or "look at me when i'm talking to you"
...ooorrrrr, when you have to think to yourself, "is he looking at me or something else" or "if, i'm supposed to be looking in his eyes, should i actually look him in his eyes or should i pretend like i'm cockeyed too..." #imjustsayin'
7. if... he's texting someone after 1am, and it's not you... homeboy time ends sometime between 12 and 1 ... and that may be even pushing it...
8. if... he actually IS texting his homeboy after 1am... O_o
9. if... he knows more of the words to any beyonce, ciara, or nicki minaj song, than you do... double O_o
10. if... he says "you know what i'm saying"... but you never know what he's saying...
11. if... he doesn't want to be in a relationship... don't try to force nan' man into something he doesn't want... because he will turn into someone you don't want. [and yes, i used nan' again]
12. if... you only hear from him between the hours of 2am and 6am ... you are just a booty call...
13. if... you are a booty call... maybe this isn't about him... maybe it's about you... and in that case, he shouldn't date you...
14. if... he's married... DUH!
15. if... never talks about his mom... you are not worthy... or she crazy...
16. if... he quits at things frequently... a video game when he's losing, an assignment he doesn't understand, his job because someone left 3 seconds on the microwave... it's all the same... it means he will quit on you...
17. if... he doesn't wear socks... that's nasty... i mean... unless they're shoes you're not supposed to wear socks with...but otherwise, that's nasty...
18. if... you sneeze and he doesn't say bless you... that's rude. and they don't care about you enough.
19. if... he wears pants without pockets... who wears pants without pockets????
20. if... he's all talk... talk is cheap... he has to be able to back it up... so only believe it when you see it... [pause]
and that my friends... tis all...
hope you enjoyed.
2 comments:
Triflin!! But I love it! If he smells like Axe?? Really? And that's how you start?? If he's cockeyed?? -__- If you sneeze and he doesn't say bless you?? I can't deal with you. Smh.
But I still love it.
not just axe, freshly, sprayed axe... it's fine if it's like i've-been-wearing-this-all-day axe...
and i mean, if he's cockeyed... maybe it's shallow, but i think my reasons are validated.
and that bless you thing is true... he's rude and has no concern for your health...
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