so here's my funny little list part, two...
it's kind of interesting because i got some interesting feedback about why women are single these last couple of days...
i have my own beliefs about that...
so this by no means, me giving relationship advice... because
i shouldn't be.
just for laughs... mostly.
thus,
gggiiiirrrlllllll,
he won't date you 'cause...
1. 'cause... your toes are jacked... no one wants to play footsie and be scared they will get cut by your nails, or scratched by the dryness of your skin... so ummm, make sure you get a pedi... and lotion up...
2. 'cause... you get stupid drunk and do stupid drunk things... just imagine... #fail.
3. 'cause... you always got the microwave on high? ..... O_o, i don't get it either, but ask kevin hart
4. 'cause... you're too smart for him... he doesn't like not knowing what you're saying and feels like he has to get a dictionary to formulate a response... and so he doesn't want seem slow around you so he tries to use big words, but uses them for no reason just so he can feel better... like... "the way the light is ILLUMINATING this room..." or "this football game is so TITILATING"
okay... maybe those aren't the best examples, but "you know what i'm saying..."
5. 'cause... your breath stank... i mean, no one likes stank breath... so um, brush, and floss, and listerine.
6. 'cause... you're cockeyed.. a]. yes, this goes both ways... it's the same reason she won't date you. negroes is shallow too....
and again! b.] arguments will end too nicely if they begin with... "why you looking at that f*ck n!gg@ like that" or "look at me when i'm talking to you"
...ooorrrrr, when he has to think to himself, "is she looking at me or something else" or "if, i'm supposed to be looking in her eyes, should i actually look her in her eyes or should i pretend like i'm cockeyed too..." #imjustsayin'
7. 'cause... he's gay... i mean ain't nothing wrong with that... and there's nothing wrong with you... aside from the fact that you're a woman... he just don't like you...
8. 'cause... he just don't like you... and that has nothing to do with you... or maybe it does. but for this matter, it's not about you... you're not his type. the things you find normal, make him uncomfortable... you don't share interests... all qualities that have nothing to do with you, per say... because you can't help being yourself... and you shouldn't have to change things like that for nan' body... just find someone who likes you for you... [and yes, i used the word nan']
9. 'cause... all you do is quote beyoncé... talmbout "you must not know 'bout me? you must not know 'bout me" or "can you pay my bills? can you pay my telephone bills..." or... "if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on"
5. 'cause... your breath stank... i mean, no one likes stank breath... so um, brush, and floss, and listerine.
6. 'cause... you're cockeyed.. a]. yes, this goes both ways... it's the same reason she won't date you. negroes is shallow too....
and again! b.] arguments will end too nicely if they begin with... "why you looking at that f*ck n!gg@ like that" or "look at me when i'm talking to you"
...ooorrrrr, when he has to think to himself, "is she looking at me or something else" or "if, i'm supposed to be looking in her eyes, should i actually look her in her eyes or should i pretend like i'm cockeyed too..." #imjustsayin'
7. 'cause... he's gay... i mean ain't nothing wrong with that... and there's nothing wrong with you... aside from the fact that you're a woman... he just don't like you...
8. 'cause... he just don't like you... and that has nothing to do with you... or maybe it does. but for this matter, it's not about you... you're not his type. the things you find normal, make him uncomfortable... you don't share interests... all qualities that have nothing to do with you, per say... because you can't help being yourself... and you shouldn't have to change things like that for nan' body... just find someone who likes you for you... [and yes, i used the word nan']
9. 'cause... all you do is quote beyoncé... talmbout "you must not know 'bout me? you must not know 'bout me" or "can you pay my bills? can you pay my telephone bills..." or... "if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on"
... all of that???? he don't wanna hear it... so please try to keep beyoncé out of your everyday conversations.
10. 'cause... "you smell, look, and feel like doo-doo" [courtesy of joe]... i guess looking and smelling like doo-doo are self-explanatory... but the feeling like doo-doo, though he is not sure how it feels, knows that "if she felt like it, i'm sure it would be unpleasant"... so, stop looking, smelling, and feeling like doo-doo...
11. 'cause... he doesn't want to be in a relationship... which is another reason why you shouldn't date him anyway... "don't try to force nan' man into something he doesn't want... because he will turn into someone you don't want. [and yes, i used nan' again]
12. 'cause... because you're a slab... nan' man is gonna wife no slab... so stop being a shone... and maybe mr. right will come along...
10. 'cause... "you smell, look, and feel like doo-doo" [courtesy of joe]... i guess looking and smelling like doo-doo are self-explanatory... but the feeling like doo-doo, though he is not sure how it feels, knows that "if she felt like it, i'm sure it would be unpleasant"... so, stop looking, smelling, and feeling like doo-doo...
11. 'cause... he doesn't want to be in a relationship... which is another reason why you shouldn't date him anyway... "don't try to force nan' man into something he doesn't want... because he will turn into someone you don't want. [and yes, i used nan' again]
12. 'cause... because you're a slab... nan' man is gonna wife no slab... so stop being a shone... and maybe mr. right will come along...
ooorrrr, continue to be a shone... "ain't nothing wrong with a little slabbin' every now and then..." #slabquotes #thingsslabssay #imjustsaying
13. 'cause... you can't cook... they say the way to a man's heart is his stomach... but if you think you be beasting in the kitchen, and he rather eat out... that may be a sign... watch food network... and get your iron chef on...
14. 'cause... he's married... DUH!
15. 'cause... you crazy... and that my friend, is a problem with you... if you bust windows, slash tires, burn clothes, stalk him, blow his phone up... pop up at his house, claim him on facebook, go off on twitter "subliminally"... these are all things YOU are doing... and quite, frankly, i wouldn't want to date you either... 'cause, you crazy...
16. 'cause... you listen to all the things your friends say... and don't consider what he does... girls gossip... that's fine... but when it comes to your 'man' and what not... you shouldn't always take your friends advice... your 'relationship' should be between you and him.... because there are a lot of times she don't know what she talkin' bout...
17. 'cause... you're not what you claim to be about... you say you're a woman of god and don't go to church, and don't live by faith... you say, or... you say, you're a lady, but walk around the street like a ghetto bunny... whatever it is... your words and your actions aren't consistent... do better...
18. 'cause... your bathroom is dirty... ["my bathroom is dirty?"] YES, your bathroom is dirty...
13. 'cause... you can't cook... they say the way to a man's heart is his stomach... but if you think you be beasting in the kitchen, and he rather eat out... that may be a sign... watch food network... and get your iron chef on...
14. 'cause... he's married... DUH!
15. 'cause... you crazy... and that my friend, is a problem with you... if you bust windows, slash tires, burn clothes, stalk him, blow his phone up... pop up at his house, claim him on facebook, go off on twitter "subliminally"... these are all things YOU are doing... and quite, frankly, i wouldn't want to date you either... 'cause, you crazy...
16. 'cause... you listen to all the things your friends say... and don't consider what he does... girls gossip... that's fine... but when it comes to your 'man' and what not... you shouldn't always take your friends advice... your 'relationship' should be between you and him.... because there are a lot of times she don't know what she talkin' bout...
17. 'cause... you're not what you claim to be about... you say you're a woman of god and don't go to church, and don't live by faith... you say, or... you say, you're a lady, but walk around the street like a ghetto bunny... whatever it is... your words and your actions aren't consistent... do better...
18. 'cause... your bathroom is dirty... ["my bathroom is dirty?"] YES, your bathroom is dirty...
just think, if the place where you get clean is dirty, how are you really clean? [mmmmm] ...makes so much sense, right?
19. 'cause... you're better than him at nba 2k12 and/or madden... guys don't like losing... it's not your fault, you got skills... they need to step their game up...
and last but not least...
he won't date you......................................
20. 'cause... he's whack... if... he ain't tryna 'wife' you up... he has a problem... beautiful, strong, educated women should have no reason to feel like nothing for the likes of men... the man of your dreams will appreciate all of those things... and if not... don't date him., girrrrlllll...
and that my friends... tis all...
hope you enjoyed.
=]
and that my friends... tis all...
hope you enjoyed.
=]
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